DC Super Friends: Potty Time Power
Reviewed by Will Morgan 14-Sep-11
Sam, our young protagonist, is deemed old enough now to step out of diapers and into the world of big-boy pants, but first he must master the skills of potty-training, and who better to teach him than the Super Friends?
Robin was shocked to see that Batman already had his replacement lined up and under surveillance..
Get the good part out of the way first. One of a series of juvenile readers intended to convey lessons in life skills to pre-schoolers, this is charmingly illustrated; despite the butt-ugly big-foot, bobble-head style now imposed upon the Super Friends franchise, artist Bill Alger works around these restrictions to provide vibrant and winning illustrations which almost distract the reader’s attention from the deep, deep creepiness that pervades this book.
Almost distract; but, alas, not quite.
Sam, our young protagonist, is deemed old enough now to step out of diapers and into the world of big-boy pants, but first he must master the skills of potty-training, and who better to teach him than the Super Friends? Who include, let’s see, an invulnerable alien who may very well not have to go at all, and Aquaman, who, living in the sea, most likely is in the habit of going wherever he is and letting the current flush it away (which could make for some awkward moments at Justice League meetings…).
Sam made it to the bathroom where he can go 'in private' - except for the leering men in tights standing four feet away! Normally you have to go to specialist clubs to get that kind of action...
But who’s going to guard the planet while Superman, Batman and company attend to this vital mission? Well, Green Lantern John Stewart, for one, since he’s on the cover – to play the diversity card – but nowhere to be seen inside the book! (“Sorry, John. You know how it is, right?”)
There’s also a glaring lack of any female presence – I guess girls are too smart to need to be taught how to poo? But have no fear; I’m sure Wonder Woman, Zatanna and Power Girl will step up in the sequel, a few years down the line, where young Sam discovers that there are other things you can do in bathrooms.
For now, let’s just share a disbelief-induced aneurysm at the Herculean efforts of our heroes: Superman blows away Sam’s diapers, leaving the boy standing in his training knickers: Batman and Robin use the cutting-edge tech of the Batcave to covertly spy on Sam; the Flash, the fastest man alive, races Sam to the bathroom,
"Wiping is an important part of going potty." says Plas. "And if you wrap your entire body in toilet paper, you never have to wipe again!
in what seems a premeditated act of cruelty; three of the Super Friends stand around watching as Sam uses the toilet, a scene calculated to evoke the shudders in almost anyone (The toilet, bizarrely, is located behind a steel safe door – but don’t worry, that proves no impediment to X-Ray Supes and his Paedo Pals!); Plastic Man writhes his body around our young chum when mummifying him in toilet paper; and Aquaman shows Sam that the correct way of washing your hands is, actually, to have someone shoot a jet of water from the tap in your general direction – bet that tip goes down well with the mothers who have to mop up after the little monsters!
Meanwhile, Doomsday has destroyed half the planet, but no matter – Sam can face the apocalypse with clean panties!
Even in a quasi-educational context, the last two tips, especially, are just stupid – using an entire roll of paper per trip and flooding the bathroom are not really habits to be encouraged, as I’m sure most parents would agree; and however innocent writer Sarah Hines Stephens’ intentions, the whole idea of grown men in capes, tights and panties concerning themselves with the bathroom activities of a small boy is just a big, gaping bag of wrongness.
File under ‘WTF?’
Artist Bill Alger makes heroic efforts not to imply a jet of fluid from Aquaman's crotch - and yet fails! Nice try, Bill...
– wow, thanks for this witty & informative review – i’ve recently discovered that potty training books for toddlers = a crowded ( & presumably lucrative ) market – so i guess we shouldn’t be surprised that the gomic gompanies have decided to dip a… um, toe in it
hopefully marvel will join in soonish – in a gouple of years i’m likely to need a goob potty training book for a 2 yr old boy & “how the hulk copes with his gamma irratated piss & shit” would obviously be ideal…!
The funniest thing I’ve read recently. When you’re this funny Mr Morgan………..As they used to say on Bullseye “Let’s see what you could have won”.
To be fair, Costas, a lot of what I wrote was insired by ribald comments made by friends of Bill when he posted the illos on Facebook – I tried not to paraphrase their comments, but sometimes there were just no other words! I don’t know whether they’d want their names repeated, but in the interest of Credit Where It’s Due, a ‘Shout-Out’ (as the young people say) to the “Bill Alger Fan Club” without whom my review would have been just as aghast, but only half as funny!