Archie’s World Tour

OH, IT’S ON NOW, BITCH…

I’m a fan of the Archie line; I admire the way the publishers are making constant attempts to reinvent and update their core characters, applaud the ingenuity they’ve shown in expanding their market, and have genuine respect for many of the creators – all opinions I’ve expressed many times in reviews for this website, and elsewhere.

This? This isn’t going to be one of those reviews.

Archie and the gang are on a school trip, visiting five foreign cities in ten days; their first stop is London.  And right there, that’s where I start to have a problem. Because the gang are assured that here in England, instead of dollars and cents, we spend “pounds, shillings, and half-pennies”.

Why do I find this irksome? Put it this way; how would our American chums feel if a British writer depicted a tour group in 2008’s New York (the original publication date of these stories), using subway tokens (obsolete since 2003) to go to visit the twin towers of the World Trade Centre (famously destroyed in 2001)? I daresay they’d be miffed.

(You see what I did there? It’s called research; I’ll be happy to spell the word for scripter Alex Simmons, if he fancies discovering the concept in a dictionary…)

A couple of fascinating facts for Mr. Simmons: The half-penny, or ‘ha’penny’, ceased to be legal tender in 1969, a scant forty-two years ago. The shilling as a unit was also eliminated in 1971 when the country (albeit grudgingly) embraced decimalisation, though shilling coins circulated as ersatz 5p pieces until 1990. That’s only twenty-one years ago. He should probably consider buying a more recent encyclopaedia.

Some facts which may be inferred from this story: Mr. Simmons doesn’t have Internet access, or else all of two minutes’ research would have prevented these errors. He also doesn’t have a library card, otherwise the old-fashioned, but still effective, method of Going And Looking Things Up would have occupied, maybe, what? An hour, an hour and a half of his time? And he has clearly never been to the United Kingdom. Or met anyone from it. Ever. His entire knowledge of our history and culture seemingly has been gleaned from the authoritative source of the ‘Austin Powers’ movies.

Okay, you’re foolish if you expect realism and 100% accuracy from Archie Comics; they’re entertainment, not documentaries. But when the blurb emphasises the credentials of the writer as an educator,  and he mucks things up in such a clumsy manner, you can’t help but wonder how effective he was in his academic career. (“Sure, just wrap that used plutonium in clingfilm and stick it in your back pocket. What harm could it do?”)

I hope other chapters of this ‘World Tour’ were somewhat less sloppily researched. Being ignorant about Madrid, Nairobi, Rome and Switzerland (though at least honestly ignorant), I can’t venture to comment, other than to observe that the itinerary of our teenage protagonists – England, Europe, Africa and back to Europe – seems impractical and unlikely. (Had Mr. Simmons checked that Kenya is not, in fact, in Europe?)

As mentioned, I’m ordinarily a big fan of the Archie series; but their apparent determination to reduce the rest of the world to an insulting ethnic Disneyland (thanks, Nevs!) has left a very bitter taste in the mouth this time round.